Trying to decide on the reason which makes me come to the place I am at now if of no merit. For I could not vaguely remember nor recall the precise moment when I say "YES". Doing something that is so remote and unrelated to what my life nor interest had in place were of a scary thought. Yet, I stumble and fall along the way but never give up. I had consider rather seriously in the early days about quitting. Yet, something in the corner of my heart that makes me carry on. I wonder why...

Feeling like a lone ranger in the Pantanal looking hopelessly for any sign of civilization, hours and days passes by. Some felt like moments, others seem to hangs on for eternity. Hopping from one fazendas to another, always with the false hope of salvation. A mere ranch in the middle of nowhere, Bolivia perhaps? I do not know where will I be tomorrow, neither do I know where was I yesterday. The day were barely enough for its selfish own.

Was told that cappuccino can only be taken before 10, and that espresso were fine throughout the day, I would stick to my kopi kurang manis satu. Of maybe teh tarik for that matter, che chong fun were a big no no, yet clay pot yee min taste equally bland, perhaps pan mee? Am sick of it for now. Lobbying hard to have my name pressed in cold hard steel, one that I could proudly show to folks back home.

Another precious few moment wasted here, yet I know that this would not be the last, neither could I say when would I be back. Later? tomorrow? next week?...

ec audiendi qui solent dicere, Vox populi, vox Dei, quum tumultuositas vulgi semper insaniae proxima sit. (But they ought not be listened to who keep saying the voice of the people is the voice of God, for the restless mob ever approaches insanity.)

Moment

Listening to soft music, Yiruma.
Kindna reminds me of the past few days if not weeks, lots of thing that happened. Good and bad, sweet and sour. Although not all are worth mentioning, yet, they proven to be live's important lessons. My sight are getting poorer and poorer by the day, lasik surgery had not been convincing thanks to continual reminder by "experts" whose hear say evidence made a central part of their ratio decidendi and obiter dictum. Hate busy bodies once again, but with good faith (Bona fide). Been spending more and more time online lately, to read article, update facebook, and all those nonsense, then, the more I read the more I surf, it felt that as if I am addicted to the internet. Yet, no, I am not interested in the internet nor the PC, I am interested in the information in which I could access, every word, every click, every byte of information... Passion not addiction is my defense for this case. Many would say that this would be the most inappropriate time to spend so much time surfing the net while my finale is just around the corner. I understand and fread as much as the others but yet, I could not afford to lose that touch with the world around me that is so real, without borders. Perhaps this is just plain stupidity, perhaps this is just ignorance, but I like my life, I play hard and work hard. Work, can set me free, not blibical but it works for me.

Random

Its kindna long since I last updated my blog, well its an irony since one of my newyear resolution earlier this year is to update my blog as often as possible, well the word "as often" counld be real subjective...

I digress

Life basically is still the same (minus the plane crashes, ship sank and atomic bomb explosion)

Nyway, just for the sake of updating...

1.Do you need him/her to be good looking??
Not necessarily.

2. Smart?
should have some basic level of inteligence?

3. Preferred age?
No preferrences, but not too big a gap either...

4. Preferred height?
could I repeat my answer???

5. How about sense of humor?
Sure, definately

6. How about piercings?
both are fine

7. Accepts you for who you are?
certainly

8. Pink hair?
A big NO!!! but depend on the occasion

9. Mushy or no?
A little bit of both

10. Thin or fat?
Medium cook?

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
White to erm white??? haha

12. Long hair or short hair?
Both... ( I am Greedy...)

13. Plastic or metal?
what???

14. Smells good?
Smells good as in perfume smell or body odor?

15. Smoker?
NO NO NO NO

16. Drinker?
NO... occasional? perhaps

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
errr... maybe not

18. Musically inclined?
perhaps...

19. Plays piano?
its an attribute but not a big turn on, really...

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
so I that can sing along????

21. Plays violin?
err...

22. Sings well?
sound of music?

23. Vain?
we call it "fei" by the way... I am, how can she not?

24. With glasses?
no prob...

25. With braces?
it will come off eventually...

26. Shy type?
a bit, not too much, could be a bit of hiderence you know...

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
welcome to the dark side?

28. Active or passive?
I wan both... muahahahaha

29. Tight or bomb?
urhhh? WTH?

30. Singer or dancer?
both...

31. stunner?
what?

32. Hiphop?
can also... but not too manly, can be a bit scary

33. Earrings?
yes.

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
yer... showoff, wanna hear mine??? huh huh huh

35. Dimples?
erm, not a big fan...

36. Bookworm?
No I guess

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
sure...

38. Playful?
yes.

39. Flirt?
erm...

40. Poem writer?
off cauzzzeee

41. Serious?
scary???

42. Campus crush?
Ooo... that is delicious...

43. Painter?
added vantage...

44. Religious?
depends...

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
so long that its not personal

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
none of the above

47. Multi-lingual?
sure...

48. Loyal or faithful?
...

49. Good kisser?
yay

50. loves children?
Ooo... I wan a soccer team?


anyone who happens to pass by this post(may it accidental or purposive) consider yourself tag... I wanna know bout you guys... kk

Time flies

Two years ago, on this day, I still have you by my side.
Two years later, you no longer is, with me.


Opening a new chapter in life... was I?


Our lives are changed by the very decisions we made throughout our lives. Big or small alike, alter the direction of our life. To say that I hold no regret over the choices that I have made would be impossible, I do regret over certain choices that I had made, not because they are bad decisions, neither did I held in great regards over those "good choices" that finds its source from "reasons". I denies not what my heart desire, with all my might, I try. Giving up on my "objectives" is never an option. Not out of pride nor the willfulness of youth, but by the very believe that, "that" will change my life. I crave for change, change change. No, I held no interest in altering history of the world, but I do have abundance of interest in changing my self and my life, to a certain degree that I do hate the establishment, those slow, old, condescending system.


I am not rebellious but when you see and you feel and you knew that something is not right, will you summit and accept to your fate? When the world is heading to its end, will you follow? I denies my heart no desire, for I desire for change. For better or for worst, I will follow my heart.
I walk a lonely path, but if you can see the path as I do, why not follow me?

For hazardous journey, small wages
bitter cold, long month of complete
darkness, constant danger, safe return
doubtful. Honour and recognition
in case of success
-sir Ernest Shackleton 1914

New blog, must write something...

*drum rolling


...SOMETHING...


haha...


Now the something,
Well writing really isn't my thing, I meant, I do like to write but just random stuff, and I DO love to write literally with a PEN on a piece of PAPER. The idea of "writing" with your computer really is, yet to catch up with me. Halloooo, I am 19, just 19. Still young I suppose.

Then then what prompted me to do so, something so out of ordinary? (got meh? where got?)
Well I can't deny that those who neglect the Internet are doing so at their own peril, but I SUPPOSE that by utilizing the Internet as a tool to get information is, well in it self, good enough. Not to mention the amount of "information" one can get from the Internet. bla..bla...bla
(see that is what i meant my random stuff, point taken!)

One of the hardest question that I had and have been there for so long, is well, the matter of the heart (emo emo). I can't really get myself right, I don't really know what I feel, I can make decision with logic but logic's are not particularly useful in this case. I can't really make sense something that is senseless? Was it the question of family that causes such conflicts? Well for some reason, I really admire those family who allows their kids to date someone, from a different race, not being racist here but I doubt that its plausible in this family of mine to date someone of lesser family background (education, status etc) let alone those of the same kind.

I can't compare thee to the summer day like Shakespeare do cause for your information, its damn hot in Malaysia, and its not pleasant to relate someone to the rain neither does cloudy days sounds appealing, but then again, what if I do like cloudy days? or rain or thunderstorm? Its subjective, something personal. I can;t express my feeling to someone that I like because its not the right thing to do (so the society dictates) but what can I do? This is not America, we don't have private life here, freedom of expression does not exist here, we all live the way society expected us to live-go to school, college, get a degree, work, get married, have kids, be successful, live happy live, retire, live happier live and die. So sad... What makes us different from rabbits? or monkeys or hyenas?-We human can think-so do monkeys (how to peel a banana)-We socialise-so do hyenas.

Perhaps the only thing that separate the man from the beast we are is the ability to have complex feelings, love? perhaps, I wont be surprise if someday some joker come up with a research that shows that animals do "experience" complex feelings just that they lack the ability to express themselves. Well was it? or merely because we human beings-lord over all creation-cant even understand the minds of those beast we lord over? We build nations and Empires, we conquer vast land and oceans alike, we build great cities and vast farmland, all to satisfied not our need but our greed, but then, was it really greed or was it "development"? No one can stop a seed that falls on good soil to sprout and grew into a big tree, no one can stop a nation that builds itself on good ground and grew itself great.

"Development"-does it merely affect the thinking of man? what about their feelings? I cant understand feelings of beast let alone human being. Its strange to have a feeling for someone and not being able to express it, because 1. society doesn't want us to act abnormal. 2. we have yet developed the ability to "express" feelings of "higher complexity". Who is it that dictates the feelings and though of others? To clean their ass, they create such illusion as, "well, you can think but you cannot do". Well isn't thinking = things half done? Surely you do think before you do anything rite?

I, a law abiding citizen shall sacrifice its own desire for the benefit of society as a whole, but then again, if society is constantly force to reconsider its own desire in order to "fit in", does it really matter to continue on as a society? Law and rules are there to protect not to harm, but if the law and rules do more harm than it protects, aren't it the time to change it? We are reluctant because once again, feeling and thoughts are personal not objectives, they are subject to change without a prior notice. Some have argued, changes must take place slow enough so that they society would not explode, well then, who are you to dictate again? If changes are not allowed, it will be like a bomb being exploded inside a steel canister, sometimes it holds, some times its slightly dented, sometimes its blew itself apart. Changes must take place but not till it harness enough energy to causes a revolution, you fool, a demonstration is by no means an expression of discontent, to fight explosion is not to add more layer of steel to the steel canister but to open its cover so that the canister would not be obliterated completely, or perhaps a better way is to allow changes, to allow the charges being removed and being divert of its energy to do something useful, remove mountains anyone?

Then again I will not fight to change others but will strive to change myself, it changes nothing but to myself, it makes a difference...

le general

Month passes by without a thing being successfully completed, piles of rubbish left to rot. When will u take action? my plea and cry, arent they annoying? or they sounds like music to your ear? entertaining u all the way?

Never try to make decisions for me, if u are looking for trouble, u can try